Until this year, it never occurred to me that Mother’s Day isn’t the happiest day for everyone. This is my first Mother’s Day without my Mom. I know many of you are feeling this void too. Today I am reflecting on my Mom, what it means to be a Mother and how to cope on ‘Hallmark Holidays’ without your loved ones. I’m sharing my 5 Tips for Finding Joy on a Holiday today as well as these pajamas which I will be living in on Sunday.
While I take lots of time to curate great gift lists and suggestions for Mother’s Day and other holidays (click here), it’s not a holiday that everyone loves to celebrate. Many of you no longer have a Mom or perhaps don’t have a great relationship with your mother and for whatever reason, don’t celebrate this day. This is the first year I can completely understand how you feel (see this blog post). Whether you are estranged from your Mom, are feeling grief as I am or simply don’t “love” celebrating Mother’s Day, I have 5 Tips for Finding Joy on a Holiday that might help.
On a side note, I will tell you that I LOVE being a mom and being celebrated by my children and husband. Some of my favorite memories are when the kids were little and would get up bright and early to make me breakfast in bed. They did this with Pete every year and we have lots of pictures of these precious mornings. I would stay in bed and pretend to be asleep when they would come into the master bedroom with a tray full of delicious homemade food, coffee, flowers, gifts and handmade cards. They would then describe in great detail how they made the meal and wanted immediate feedback on how much I liked it. Next, they crawled up in bed with me to snuggle and help me open my cards and gifts. This ‘gift of time’ is truly what I treasure about being a mom! In fact, it’s what I miss most now that we are empty nesters. They are grown, working and busy with their own lives so its rare that I get uninterrupted time with them. TIME is all I want as it is the best gift of all!
5 Tips For Finding Joy On A Holiday
1. Recipe Tribute: Do you have your Mom’s recipe box? Or was there one particular thing that you loved when she made it? Take over those duties and make it for your family. Find the joy again in tasting that banana bread that she used to make and use her recipe. Your Mom wasn’t a great cook? Check your Grandmother’s recipe box.
2. Celebrate Another Mother: We all have those special women in our lives that are almost like our 2nd Mother. Take time to celebrate her! Call her, write her a note, or drop off some home-baked goods. This could even be your best girlfriend, aunt or another relative. Regardless who it is, find joy in celebrating someone else.
3. Open Your Heart: Even if you had a difficult relationship with your Mother, try to remember the good parts. Dwelling on the negative will never resolve anything. Open your heart to forgiveness and free yourself of the burden of carrying so many difficulties from the past. Changing what you emphasize in your mind can alter how you feel. Take action!
4. Holidays Aren’t Perfect: As social media has evolved, so has the way we celebrate Mother’s Day: it’s transformed from a private day into a far more public display. Newsfeeds fill up with people bragging about their #BestMomsDayEver. Remember, NO ONE is perfect and perfect holidays don’t exist. Don’t get caught up in what others are doing. You do you.
5. Dealing With Grief: Just because your Mother is no longer living doesn’t mean you have to forget her. Death doesn’t end a relationship, it just changes it. Nothing will ever be the same but adjusting to the new normal is an important step in moving forward. Visit her grave and bring her flowers. Read her favorite poem to her or just talk to her and give her an update on your life. Say a prayer for her in church. I promise she’s listening.
Do you ever wonder what a ‘Hallmark Holiday’ is? It’s the stressful holidays where we feel the need to be perfect. There tend to be large, family gatherings where all of the kids must be on their best behavior. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter… all of the holidays that take every ounce of energy you have to plan, implement and deliver without losing your mind and screaming at someone. UGH! Why do we do this to ourselves?
I hope you find today’s blog post helpful and share it with a friend. How do you plan to spend Sunday? Maybe I will stay in my pajamas (top & bottom) and Pete will bring me breakfast in bed. Hint, hint!
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there! xoxo – Tanya
shop the post | gift ideas & pajamas
photo: Audrie Dollins
Tags: Mother's Day, Soma
Hubby and I golf that day courses are wide open. We’re not into the Hallmark holiday thing.
What a thoughtful post today! I really appreciated your thoughts on the holiday. Wish I was in my jammies now!
Julie,
I wish I were still in my jammies too. This rainy weather in Dallas has me being the least productive person ever. I’m glad you liked today’s post.
xoxo- Tanya
I still pick out a card , but don’t buy, for my Mother though she has been gone for 29 years. There is sure to be a few tears shed at the Hallmark card section, but that’s Ok. It’s a little moment in time to think of her In a special way and to carry out a part of Mother’s Day that I always enjoyed.
Cher,
That just made my cry. What a sweet sentiment. I know she is so proud of you!
xoxo- Tanya
Great words of wisdom and advice! Also love the gift idea list.
Happy Mother’s day to you friend!
Glad you liked the gift ideas. Happy Mother’s Day to you too!
xoxo- Tanya
Tanya, this was a wonderful post. As a woman who could not have children it is not a fun day. I usually hide out at home with my husband. People don’t mean to say anything to hurt your feelings, but it can be a very difficult day. Just as it can be for people who don’t have a good relationship with their mother or who have lost their mother.
Oh gosh Beth, I didn’t even address that part. Of course it must be such a hard day for you. Father’s Day is probably hard for your husband too. Thank you for being this to my attention.
xoxo- Tanya
ORDER UP!!! B-in-B it is!
OK, I will have…
waffles
pancakes
eggs benedict
crisp bacon
cappuccino
fresh squeezed orange juice
xoxo- Tanya
What a lovely post and sentiment! It brings a tear to my eye, but joy as well. Thank you.
Thank you Becky!
xoxo-Tanya
Love your post and great reminders for us all! I pray you have a very relaxing and blessed Mother’s Day and remember that your mom is always smiling down on you, so proud of all you have accomplished! Happy Mother’s Day!
Such a good reminder Cindy! Thank you for your kinds words.
xoxo- Tanya
Beautiful entry today! I just loved it! Every Mother’s Day is hard for me since I lost my Mom in 2007. Every year since then I have bought a card and small gift for one of my Mom’s best friends. She promised my Mom she would look out after me when she passed. This sweet friend always goes above and beyond to make my birthday special and I try to make Mother’s Day a little more special for her as well. I must say it has helped to fill the void… more than just a little!
Oh my gosh Debbie, I am crying reading this comment.
What a special joy your Mom’s friend must be in your life. Thank you for sharing your story!
xoxo- Tanya
What a great post! I teared Up reading it. Just know that she is never forgotten and is always by your side. Happy Mother’s Day! Love you!
Such a wonderful post. I too, enjoyed those Mother’s Days when my kids surprised me with breakfast in bed and made me macaroni necklaces or whatever fun surprise along with homemade cards. I pray you have a wonderful Mothers Day. Just know that your Mother will never be forgotten and she would always want the best for you. Give yourself a few moments to be sad and then eat all the wonderful goodies that Pete will spoil you with.
What a beautiful post. I like the golf idea. Two of my kids will be out of town on Sunday and I will be taking my mom to lunch. Sunday is suppose to be nice so take a minute and go outside and look up to the heavens and say hello to your mother. I am sure she is so proud of you and everything you do.